Jean genie

When it comes to matters of fashionable attire, I'm less 'surfing the zeitgeist' and more 'paddling around in the shallows of the zeitgeist, trying to avoid getting the bottom of my trousers damp'. I am not an 'early adopter'. I am a 'let everyone else try it and then I might give it a go'-er. Plus, I know when things don't suit me. All those long, swishy skirts, teamed with voluminous peasant blouses (belt optional) of a few summers ago? No. I didn't need to look like I was out on the prairies, dressed in someone's curtains. Plus, if you have anything approaching boobs, those tops were lethal: instant monobosom.

I've avoided the re-emergence of leggings for age-related reasons. I don't think you should wear clothes/fashions that you remember from the first time round. I spent much of my early 20s in badly-fitting lycra (they always seemed to split at the crotch, not because I was indulging in Russell Brand-esque sexyposing, but because I bought them for about £3.99 a pair at whatever the New Look equivalent was in those days).

So yes, fashion and I have, at best, a tenuous relationship. I look at women's magazines and think, 'hmm, hemlines are rising/falling again. This has little to no bearing on what I shall be wearing over the next 'season'. Although that 15 year-old in the photo looks amazing in that outfit, it costs more than I earn in a month, and I do not have legs that are giraffe-length and levels of confidence that would render me punchable in the real world.' As anyone who's watched The September Issue will know, fashion and reality have little to nothing to do with each other. I am, however, desperate to be Grace Coddington in ten years' time. That woman is awesome.

However, I do have a knack with fashion, and that's if I decide to try something that is 'in fashion' then sure as Anna Wintour wears shades no matter how dark it is, I shall instantly kill whatever trend I've tried out.

And so it comes to pass that just as all the fashion folk are welcoming in the return of flares (the world's least-flattering jean style, surely?), I have just bought my first pair of skinny jeans! Yup, wave goodbye to a sizeable part of your wardrobe, because I finally decided that I'd road-test the 'boots over jeans' look, and thus I needed jeans that weren't going to require much wellie-like 'folding' in order to shove them into the boots. I went to Uniqlo (no point spending a fortune on something that's going out of fashion so very soon). I am now the proud possessor of a pair of surprisingly comfy skinny trews, to add to my 'jeans wardrobe'.

I'm as surprised as anyone by the emergence of this 'jeans wardrobe', and in fact my burgeoning addiction to buying trousers made of denim. A few years back, I was the freak who didn't own a single pair of jeans. I was always turned out like Miss Jean Brodie, because I didn't believe jeans suited me, and was happily overdressed at all times. Oh yes, I was quite the lady.

But then I got invited to spend a weekend sailing. It was apparent that a skirt and kitten heels wouldn't really be suited to this. So I did an emergency run to Gap, bought the first pair I saw that fitted round the waist and spent most of the weekend feeling... casual. Casual! Casual and really uncomfortable.

It took years to get past this - and all with one pair of jeans. Then I got given a pair of DESIGNER JEANS. Yes siree, they were officially amazin'. I looked great in them. I saw the light. I became hooked (although never at actual price - BrandAlley is your friend for designer denim; also, Liberty had the most amazing Christmas sale - I snaffled a pair of jeans that should've cost £185 full price for £20.) What with this and losing a few inches off my waist over the last few months, I've been deniming like a demon. I finally feel habilitated into normal society.

Sorry to everyone who's been, as they say, 'rocking the skinny jean' for the last few years, though, now that I'm killing it stone dead. But hang on to them, I'm sure they'll be back. If bloody flares are, skinny jeans definitely will be.