Local headline spotted today en route home from work: Rush to empty bins before Christmas.
Is this a random edict from a council bored of having to defend the amount of grit and salt there is everywhere, relative to the amount of snow and ice? Or is it some kind of Scottish custom that I've never heard of before? 'D'you no ken tha' Santa will nae come t'yoor hoose if ye hav'nae emptied yoor bins, Hen?'
The worst of it is that I have loads of recycling, which is all supposed to go in a trio of bins up the road. But they haven't been emptied for what seems like weeks and bags of cans, plastic bottles and cardboard are piling up on the pavement next to them like a scene from a documentary about the Three Day Week.
If I add all my recyclables to this growing mountain, will it be enough to guarantee the arrival of presents, mulled wine, far too much cheese, the billionth play of Fairytale of New York on the radio, whatever Pixar film hasn't yet been on the telly and goodwill to all men?
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